Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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