oh god the rape fog is back!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
