You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
