Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
