I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
