Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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