I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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