She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
