meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
