so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
