if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
