My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
