dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
