The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
