Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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