Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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