Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
