yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
