Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
