My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
