Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
