I just cut my nipple shaving
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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