I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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