You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Congratulations! We have a period
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
