mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
