we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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