Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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