Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
