He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize