that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
