Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
