This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
