In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
