Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
