if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
