Duck Duck Cougar?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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