Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
50% drunk capacity currently
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
