dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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