Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
