hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
