Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
