so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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