i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you will always have a special place in my vag
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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