i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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