so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
