dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
