if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
