Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
