what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
