Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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