I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
