Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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