I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
