Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
