Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
