I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
