how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
