haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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