I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Less talking, more tequila
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
