the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
