You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
