so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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