i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
