And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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