He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
