Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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