I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
