Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
