Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
