One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
