My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
