Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
