I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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