You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
