i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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