Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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